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Tuesday, June 21, 2005
i am a freako.

Somehow i like keeping to myself.. Maybe i should do more of that.. What would people think of me if i shun from them? I could juz imagine.. "Hey Leon, your gf's such a freak.. Does she even know how to talk?"

Somehow, i juz feel so useless.. I cant do anything right, and its like the world's against me.. Leon's mum is against me.. How am i gonna face her.. His birthday's this sunday, and im expected at his bbq.. What if she's there? I gez id juz be at a spot watching the others enjoyinging themselves.. All i can do is juz express myself in my music.. Where's reality to me?

Dad's always nagging.. Telling me stupid things that irritates me to the core.. They dont even know what's going on inside of me, how im feeling and all.. Everyone's telling me.. You should have done this, you should have done that.. Or, Why are you like that? Oh right.. It is my fault those things happened.. What can i do about them? It's juz a waste..

Every sunday, sitting alone behind the drumset during sermon, or sitting on top of the built-in table during dance practice all by myself, looking at the rest warm up.. It's like no one knows that hidden inside of me, lies something much more than a smiling face.. I dont wanna go around church, walking past familiar faces, and not even saying hi, or even smile at each other.. I am so useless..

whoa..
It feels so much better letting it all out..
5:18 PM
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